Sunday, December 30, 2012

Fix a heart

Thanks to letting life in charge I met the most complicated yet the most positive and wonderful human being. 

He's too good and young to be this sad. And I can see when he's not smiling, he's dying inside. 

I simply laid there with a small smile on my face.
I didn't want to think about his fucked up heart, my never-ending troubles with my future and even more - what happens tomorrow. I didn't care about what he thinks, what others think or especially what I think of myself. I know that it's never going to be something, but in my eyes it was something - something fun for awhile, careless for a while, fearless for awhile. I don't see myself there maybe ever again, but in that moment I was in place. I know that I can't fix his heart, his past or maybe even his future. Yet I simply hope that in that moment he wasn't thinking about it. About the things that broke and break him. Because I know - I wasn't. And for what I know now - other people don't hurt us. We hurt ourselves by not letting go, by caring too much or by getting our hopes up.


And for that brief moment I let myself to be happy again - in that moment I was finally fearless. 




Thursday, November 29, 2012

Let it snow, my darling.

I would really like to do a christmas present haul already. But sadly christmas is month away and I can't show pictures of those presents here. Shhh, they will see it!
But I already purchase some great gifts for the loved ones. I'm definitely going to do my christmas shopping soon, 'cause I know that in december I will be in a hurry with school, performances, work and exams. 
I'm having in mind to create one or few short movies too, if I have the time. (Which I hope I do!)

I'm loving today's weather: cold, lots of snow, christmas music, dance performance with Getter Jaani and quick act in Estonian National Opera house in "Manon."




Enjoy your winter weather. Enjoy the moments!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Simple room tour

I've decided to do a simple room tour. School ended early and so I had a lot of time to spend at home.














Camera - Fujifilm x10

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Trust life a little bit

So here's the thing. One day we'll look back - intentionally or by choice - and see all our experiences, stories, relationships and travels in front of us. It's our choice to make these memories now worth watching. What we really wanna see at this point? 
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
I've felt different vibes and thoughts recently. What I really wanna do? Do i really wanna do it? Is it necessary? Do I really need it?
My first real problem is that I'm sometimes too scared to dream big. Or not just dream big - but the fear of not accomplish my dreams. I'm scared of falling. Falling hard. Hitting the ground by not getting into the university I wanted, by being hurt by the love ones... 
The truth is - I shall stop this fear now. Trust life a little bit. Make things the way I want them. Strive a bit more. Believe a bit more. Enjoy a bit more. Explore a bit more. Laugh a lot more. Trust myself a little bit more.
Step by step. I'm gonna be the best version of myself. 


Monday, November 26, 2012

God.

 Listen this man. 

I've never seen or heard God. Until now...


The first and maybe the last writer and singer who makes me feel like home, alive, christmas, love and pain all together. Speechless. Literally can't find the words...

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Fearless





"Fearless is not the absence of fear. To me, fearless is having fears, having doubts. Lots of them. Fearless is living in spite of those thing that scare you to death. Fearless is falling in love again, even though you've been hurt before. It's getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again... Following your true goals. It's fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye. Loving someone despite what people think is fearless. Letting go is fearless. I think love is fearless. Life is fearless."

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Changes



"Finding yourself is a lot of trouble. But the moment you find it... you feel like home. You feel like anything is possible. You feel like you've become a better person. You are happy with yourself - your secret soul are ready to shine, but... Others might not see that. They're used to the old you. They wanna push your limits to see if it is real. They don't care if they're putting you in frames. They treat you like always. They don't see the change.
But what are you going to do.
All you can do is try. Try. Give yourself an opportunity. And to others. But never. I say 'never!' give up."

Monday, July 30, 2012

Hakuna Matata!

 

  Imeline päev Pärnu rannas ema ja kalli Anuga. Pole sõnu. Naer, jalutuskäigud, jäätis, lõbus tuju, liivalossid, surfarid, lained ja metsikult päikest.

Hakuna Matata!

Pole ammu nii elu nautinud nagu seda praegu teen... Võrratu...

Friday, July 27, 2012

Heart on fire

Suvi möödub liiga ruttu. Mul on vaja, et see seisma jääks. Et aeg peatuks. Et ma ei peaks muretsema, mis saab homme, ülehomme või paari kuu pärast.

Istun maailma kõige imelisemas paigas. Kodus. Õhtupäike on ikka sama kuum, kui viis tundi tagasi pärastlõunal. Te ei kujuta seda täiuslikkust siin ette, kui te ei saa seda proovida. Nagu näha pole vaja kaugele sõita, et tunda ennast ühes tükis.

Sellest tuleb üks pikk postitus. Ma tunnen seda ette.

Kas ma peaksin siis tõesti jätma millegi, mis püsib minuga, sest kardan olla üksinda? Või kas tuleb sellest üldse midagi välja? Kas asi on kartuses või tõelistes tunnetes? Ning mu tulevik tundub ühe enam mind hirmutavat. Ma pole vist seda kunagi nii kartnud nagu praegu. Soovitustest ei ole kasu. Kõik läheb ikkagi nii, nagu peab minema. Ainus asi mida teha saan on loota, et kõigest sellest tuleb välja midagi head... Võib-olla isegi midagi imelist.

Mõni hetk on justkui imeilus. Ma märkasin, et nädala jooksul olin ma mõtetest vaba. Kuid ka märkasin, et vaba pole see, mis olla tahan. Muidugi on suurepärane tunda end õiges kohas... kuid vahel peab riskima, et oma mugavusstsoonist välja tulla. Ma olen liiga laisk. Ma tahanksin pigem selle viisiga elada, et "ära otsi, õiged asjad tulevad lihtsalt su ellu." Ning samas karjub teine pool "kes otsib, see leiab."

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

You are more than you think!

I wish I could show you how amazing you are, then you would walk around - peace in your heart and true confidence inside.
Because for me you are breathtaking, priceless and kind of perfect.
It's a new goal - to just see a big smile on your face. Everyday. All day. Forever.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Sünnipäeva-special!



I must have done something right in the past 18 years, because I'm having everything I need and more!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Don't care anymore...

I just wanna be happy, get enough sleep and dance until I can't feel my legs. I just wanna be.

Friday, April 20, 2012

A

On üks neiu, kes on inspiratsiooniks. Ta on olnud alati mu kõrval. Ta on viitsinud mu lollusi kuulata ja neid taluda. Ta on viitsinud mind muredega aidata ja alati mind kõige sügavamast august välja toonud. Ta on viitsinud minuga segast panna ja imelikesse olukordadesse sattuda. Ta on mu ingel. Ta on ingel, kelle kirjeldamiseks ei jätkuks sõnu. Imal, aga nii on. Minu silmis on ta täiuslik, just nii, nagu ta on. Iseseisev, hakkaja, ilus, andekas ja rõõsameelne. Ta on inimene, kelle pärast ma teen seda, mida teen. Kelle pärast ma tantsin ja laulan ja löön trummi ja olen vahel totaalne idioot. Suur osa mu minevikust. Tuhat tänu, et ka olevikus. Loodetavasti kaua mu tulevikus!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I'm out of love

Never fall in love? Do you hear me? Never...

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Luban valvata Sul mu und

Püüa kinni mu halvad unenäod,
aga jäta alles need,
mis head teevad.
Püüa kinni need kurvad tunded,
aga jäta alles need,
mis aina rõõmu toovad.
Püüa kinni mu võitmatud lahingud,
aga jäta alles need,
milles tugevust sa näed.
Püüa kinni need õnnetud viisid,
aga jäta alles need,
mis minema ei läe.
Luban sul jääda,
kui lubad sa,
et mind jääd valvama.
Luban sul jääda,
kui lubad sa,
et igavesse unne ei pea ma jääma.
Luban sul minna,
kui lubad sa,
et tagasi tuled hommiku valguses.
Luban sul minna,
kui lubad sa,
et meie teekond on koos alles alguses.

Püüa kinni mu halvad unenäod
ja luba,
et kuhugi ei kao.
Püüa kinni mu halvad unenäod
ja ma luban,
et kuhugi ma ei kao.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Ma ei...

Ma ei käi enam mereääres, kuigi elan sellest jalutuskäigu kaugusel.
Ma ei tantsi enam lõbust muusika järgi, mis kõlab mu toas.
Ma ei kirjuta enam muusikat, kuna ei leia inspiratsiooni.
Ma ei vaata enam õudukaid, sest need võtavad aega.
Ma ei käi enam maal, sest ma olen koguaeg hõivatud.
Ma ei nuta enam, isegi mitte rõõmust, sest midagi ei juhtu.
Ma ei näitle enam rõõmust, sest seda kästakse mul teha.
Ma ei küpseta midagi, kuna kardan oma kaalu.
Ma ei käi öösiti väljas, kuna järgmistel päevadel on ju vaja värske olla.
Ma ei tegele oma koeraga, kuigi ta on iga päev mu kõrval.
Ma ei tunne enam midagi, kuigi elul oleks mulle nii palju anda.
Ma ei naerata enam võõrastele, sest kardan äraütlemist.
Ma ei tunne usaldust, sest olen võõraks jäänud.
Ma ei vaja kedagi, kuigi tunnen end nii üksinda.
Ma ei vaidle tühistele asjadele vastu, sest mul on juba nii suva.
Ma ei hinga enam headust, hingan välja ainult ükskõiksust.
Ma ei keeruta silmi, sest mind ligtsalt ei huvita.
Ma ei tunne puudust, kuigi tahaksin hoolida.
Ma ei tunne meeldivust, sest olen muutunud nähtamatuks.
Ma ei aja enda tubagi sassi, kuna kardan elus korralagedust.
Ma ei igatse kedagi, kuna ma ei tunne enam kedagi.
Ma ei armasta enam iseennast, sest ma ei tunne end ära.
Ma ei armasta enam iseennast, sest see ei ole mina.
Ma ei armasta iseennast, kuna minus ei ole enam midagi armastada.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Friday, February 17, 2012

C'mon & hit the lights

It's all the dreams that never came true, 
Cause you're too damn scared to try. 












try...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The City

Ma tahaksin olla imal valgussära
Tema kiirel ööl pimedal.
Ma tahaksin olla võõras,
kes silma jääb Talle tänaval.
Ma tahaksin olla massis,
kellest mööduda Ta ei saa.
Ma tahaksin olla Ta kõrval,
kui selles meeletus linnas ei saa Ta magada.
Ma tahaksin olla Ta sild,
mis teda maailmaga ühendab.
Ma tahaksin olla joovastav naer,
mis metrooga vahemaid lühendab.
Ma tahaks olla hommikusöök,
mida Tiffany ees maitseb Ta.
Ma tahaksin olla Broadwayl
ning mind Ta tuleb vaatama.
Ma tahaksin olla kõrgel
nagu 102-korruseline pilvelõhkuja.
Ma tahaksin olla madalal,
et siis saaksin Temaga olla unistaja.
Üle kõige tahaksin olla seal
ja teda armastada.
Lihtsamast lihtsam:
Tema jaoks New York tahaksin olla ma.

Monday, February 13, 2012

The f**k?

Mis siis, et mul on õigus ei öelda. Ja et mind perse saadetakse.

Mina olen süüdi.

Küsimärk.

Mis kuradi ühiskond see veel on?

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Yeah

GOODBYES ARE HARD.

BUT WHO SAID HELLOS WERE EASY?




Nad on ju vahel lausa võimatud... Damn...

Sunday, January 22, 2012

10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me, 

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car, 

I hate it when you stare. 

I hate your big dumb combat boots 

and the way you read my mind. 

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme. 

I hate the way you’re always right, 

I hate it when you lie. 

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry. 

I hate it when you’re not around, 

and the fact that you didn’t call. 

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, 

not even close…

not even a little bit… 
not even at all.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Note to self

Don't be afraid to change. You may lose something good, but you may gain something even better!