Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Collecting thoughts

Collect the thoughts what cannot be said. Or they could be said but I promise you they won't be worth the shot. You don't know why they are on you mind and expressing them might hurt them. The thoughts, or yourself or someone else - and not because it's meant to hurt but just because those thoughts were a collection of confusion, outbursting ideas (which mostly are imported to your head from someone else) and no-sense.
Collect the thoughts that have been running in and out, screaming at your mind and soul and what you actually want. Realise that sometimes you just need your time, tea, paper and a pen... to collect the thoughts that are not worth of your time. And mind.

And then you can focus on the good thoughts. The best ones.




Sunday, November 19, 2017

Golden light or golden hour

Lighting my heart on fire
like no-one else has done before.
Someday will, a few has done,
but not like I could do for me.

The light fell down
on me,
on my face.
I knew exactly
why on me,
why on my face.
The light fell down
and I fell between
my own arms.





Friday, November 17, 2017

Joining palms at 1:27pm

Liida kokku
mu käed,
avatud peod
ja aeg
ning sa saad palju.
Liiga palju?
Võib-olla.
Kuid mitte ealeski
liiga vähe.


Join together
my hands,
open palms
and time,
and you will get a lot.
Too much?
Maybe.
But never
too little.



Saturday, November 11, 2017

Coffee fog at 1:27pm

I think I might lied.
You are not equal.
I think you are better,
much better
than any coffee.
Almost.


Ma arvan, et ma
võib-olla valetasin.
Te ei ole võrdsed.
Ma arvan, et sa oled parem,
palju parem
kui igasugune kohv.
Peaaegu.



Monday, November 6, 2017

November December Poteto Potato

Reminders: 
Be with your close ones
Find the light
Or start to enjoy the darkness
Christmas always helps
Laughter also helps
Clean your mind, place, relationships, obligations, surrounding
Clean yourself also
Stay present 



Saturday, November 4, 2017

Being your own victim at 1:27am

I was standing
in from of myself
and repeating to myself
over and over
and over,
over again
with the face of
exhaustion:
"stop being a victim
of your thought".


Ma seisin
iseenda ees
ja kordasin iseendale
uuesti ja uuesti
ja uuesti,
ikka uuesti
näost väsimus:
"lõpeta olemas
oma mõtete ohver".



Tuesday, October 31, 2017

1:27pm and autumn light

Now it's time to build some bridges
between yourself and the things you love.
And with the people you love
and with the places you miss
and with the moments you want to relive.

Now it's time to build some bridges
between yourself and your pretty thoughts.


Friday, October 27, 2017

I promise you

I promise you, my dear, that life will connect the dots. It might be so confusing now, but soon it will untie the knots. 
Right now you're only seeing a small fraction of where you could be, but soon you will see the bigger picture in everything, and in me. 
You won't believe your eyes how you meet the ones you need, they will all be here, don't let yourself mislead. 
You stand there and realise you're not unloved and alone, you are warmer than you think and massively grown - 
into a person you wished to be and now you are here, by letting life surprise you, good things will never disappear. 


Thursday, October 26, 2017

Current truth at 1:27pm and am

Ma tahaksin jäädvustada
igat tunnet.
Puudutust.
Naeru.
Aga miski pole parem
kui selle
praegune tõesus.


I wish I could capture
every feeling.
Touch.
Laughter.
But nothing
is better than
the current truth.


Saturday, October 21, 2017

Long story short

Long story short.
I remember the time when it was so dark. And not the just-put-on-some-lights dark, but more like there's-no-way-I-will-find-the-switch kind of dark. The questions went around where am I, should I be where I am and will the light be off from now on. Questioning if I was buried or planted?
Long story short.
I thought I was buried, but I was definitely planted.
Now I know for sure.

Long story short.
Blooming in the middle of autumn.



Monday, October 16, 2017

Très bien. Väga.

Ma ei karda enam külma,
sest sees on nii soe.
Mitte tuline,
aga soe.
Ning see on talve tulekuks
täiesti piisav.
Très bien.



Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Counting leaves at 1:27pm

Ta ootas esimest korda hommikuni,
et end koguda ja vastata. 
Ta ootas lõunani,
et aru saada. 
Ta ootas õhtuni,
et end selgelt väljendada.
Ning ööni,
et taibata -
õiged otsused olid juba tehtud. 


She waited first time until morning came
to collect herself and answer. 
She waited until noon
to undersand.
She waited until evening,
to express herself clearly. 
And till night
to realise -
all the right decisions were now already done. 


Autumn has almost never
brought so much
serenity.
But it has now.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

127 minutes to peace

I feel like I can't write.
I found peace in me
and in everything I believe in
or learned to believe.
I dropped the dust
off my shoulders
and walked far,
far enough to see
some things are just not worth
my time
and
my peace.


Ma tunnen, et ma ei saa kirjutada.
Ma leidsin rahu endas
ja kõiges, mida usun
või kõiges, mida õppisin uskuma.
Ma lükkasin maha
tolmu oma õlgadelt
ja kõndisin kaugele,
nii kaugele, et näha
kuidas mõned asjad
lihtsalt ei ole väärt
mu aega
ja
mu rahu.


Tuesday, September 26, 2017

127 days to deep winter


But who will fight for me
when autumn turn to snow
or darker days
or even darker nights.
When autumn is fighting
its way
but not winning. Not at all.


Aga kes võitleb minu eest
kui sügis muutub lumeks
või pimedateks päevadeks
või veel pimedamateks
öödeks.
Kui sügis võitleb
omal viisil
aga ei võida. Absoluutselt ei võida.



I'm betting on you.
Hoping I'm lucky enough.

Monday, September 25, 2017

1:27pm or 1:27am

It doesn't matter
what time or day it is.
I've learned
that the safest place to be
is in and with my shelter.


Ei loe,
mis päev või kell on.
Ma mõistsin,
et kõige ohtum koht, kus olla
on mu varjupaigas. Koos.



Look how you blossom when you realise what you have. Look. 
Fall is here but you don't mind. Now you still blossom. 

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Not taking the easy way out at 1:27

There's difference between
being tired and leaving
and
taking the easy way out.

Don't take the easy way out.



On vahe, kas olla
väsinud ning lahkuda
või
valida lihtsam tee välja.

Ära vali lihtsamat teed.



Tuesday, September 19, 2017

127 powerful pieces

Maybe sometimes
being broken
is what we strive for.
So we could
creatively, strongly,
slowly and
more powerfully
put us back
together.


Võib-olla
olla katki on miski,
mida vahel soovime.
Et saaksime end
loovalt, tugevalt,
aeglaselt ja
palju võimsamalt
tagasi kokku
luua.



Monday, September 18, 2017

No more 127 degrees

The cold September mornings
make my face
full of anticipation.
And my heart full of peace.
Something is changing.
It is.
The weather - mostly.


Külmad septembrihommikud
kõditavad mu nägu
ootusärevusega.
Ja mu südant' rahuga.
Miski on muutumas.
On.
Aga põhiliselt ikka ilm.



Kirjutamine teeb sooja.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Sügis x Mina

Mul pole midagi uut. Vana on hea ja uus ei ole enam uus.
Upun oma enese romantikasse ja uhkelt vaatan tagasi eelnevasse, ebamugavasse katsumusse. Proovin leida ka kohta praeguses katses või katsumuses, või katses katsetada katsumust. Kõige rohkem proovin mitte taas ette joosta. Kiirustada kõigega. Ma mäletan selgelt seda sügisest pärastlõunat kui kõndisin mööda kohtadest, mis olid nii võõrad - kuid kõndisin nagu teadsin neid, sest kohe tutvusin. Kõndisin mööda inimestest, kes olid nii võõrad - kuid möödusin ja teretasin neid, sest kohe tutvusin. Sel sügisel ma kõndisin iseendana iseendaga. Ja naeris nii valjult. Ja tegin mentaalse pildi igast heast hetkest.
Mul pole midagi uut. Aga vana võtaks küll. Me lubame, et vana tuleb tagasi - uude.


Wednesday, September 6, 2017

After 127 days I know better

The most horrifying
thing I ever did
was sabotaging
my own
happiness.


Kõige kohutavam asi,
mis ma kunagi tegin
oli saboteerida
minu enda
õnne.



Tuesday, September 5, 2017

127 small things

"You don't see yourself
they way they do.
And it's okay.
But please learn."


"Sa ei näe ennast nii
nagu nemad seda teevad.
Ja see on okei.
Aga palun õpi."



Friday, September 1, 2017

Budapest was beautiful at 1:27pm

Throwback. 


I came back from Budapest
just for you.
To you.
Otherwise...
I really would still be there.


Ma tulin tagasi Budapestist
sinu pärast.
Sinu jaoks.
Vastasel korral...
ma tõesti oleksin jäänud sinna. 


Thursday, August 31, 2017

127 km/h

Ma annaksin kõik,
et minna.
Mitte lahkuda
vaid minna.
Joosta.
Kõik, et peatuda.
Et ära eksida. 
Peaaegu, et põgeneda. 
Näha.
Kõik annaksin,
et seda kõike tunda. 
Aga ainult.
Ainult, 
ainult sinuga. 


I would give it all,
so I could go.
Not to leave
but to go. 
To run. 
Give it all to stop.
To get lost.
Almost to escape.
To see.
Give it all
to feel it all.
But only.
Only,
only with you.



Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Writing

Every time I'm in doubt
I write.
And not "the lost,
what's now,
don't know" - kind of way.
But I'll write
the reasons
why I care
about "the lost,
what's now,
don't know" topics.
Every time I'm in doubt
I write to
see the good.



Monday, August 28, 2017

My morning coffee

My mornings are the best when I hear you laughing, not just at your dreams but at me. When I know that I can make you laugh the first thing in the morning. When I know that whatever day brings it will be fine. When I know that you are happy here and feeling alive. I wish for many more to come even if it's here, present. You always know I rush with things and thinking how my time should be spent.
My life feels complete every time I hear the sounds of waking up, realisation I'm with you and it's still time to roll in bed, no need to speedup. It feels like it's all new, even if it's not; like this is where I belong, it is my home, a lot.
The best things come and stay; he's like a morning coffee, the most wanted part of the day.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Think about yourself at 1:27am

Sa alahindad ennast.
Ometi oled sa
kõik,
mida soovisid olla.
Vähemalt
proovi mõista.


You underestimate yourself.
Yet you still
are everything
you wished to be.
At least
try to acknowledge,
see that.



Tuesday, August 15, 2017

127 dreams about dew

Ta kammis oma
käega
läbi hommikuse
kaste.
Ning enam ei oodanud,
et lõuna tuleks.
Et päike viiks
päeva õhtusse.
Ta tahtis
vaikselt kammida.
Jääda.
Kõik oli olemas.


She combed her
hand
through morning
dew.
And didn't wish the
lunch time to come.
And didn't wish the
sun would take
day towards night.
She just wanted
quietly to comb.
Stay.
Because everything was
there.



Monday, August 14, 2017

1:27pm in our boat

You can burn bridges
with great confident.
Burn them.
Because at one point,
someone will build a new one.
Always.
(Or use a boat)


Sa võid põletada sillad
suure enesekindlusega.
Põleta.
Sest ühel hetkel
keegi ehitab uue.
Alati.
(Või kasutab paati)



Sunday, August 13, 2017

Freedom at 1:27pm

Ma pole ammu
tundnud sellist vabandust,
tundmatu iseendana,
tundmata iseenda
vabadust.


I haven't felt
this kind of freedom
in a long time,
unknown to myself,
without knowing my own
freedom.


Friday, August 11, 2017

1:27pm is time for apricots

Aprikoosi vihm
ja mina
upun ära
lõpmatusse suvelõpu
rahulollu.
Kuidas nüüd nii hea?

Apricot shower

and I'm drowning
into never ending
summer ending's
joy.
How can it be so good now?




Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Long time before 1:27

Ma kadusin juba
ammu ära,
päris ammu juba.
Taipamata, et siin ma olen,
ikka veel
olemas,
kõik on korras.


I disappeared already
a long time ago,
pretty long time ago.
Not realising, that I'm actually
here, still
exciting,
everything is fine.



Wednesday, August 2, 2017

1:27 Confession

Confession.
I miss running away. 


Ülestunnistus.
Ma igatsen põgenemist.



Monday, July 31, 2017

127 cashew nuts

It's getting too
late.
I'm getting too
hungry for
sleep,
cashew nuts,
morning
and you.


On juba liiga
hilja.
Ma hakkan aina enam
janunema
unele,
india pähklitele,
hommikule
ja sulle.



Sunday, July 30, 2017

Tickling dreams

It was the time for
summer evening
in the city -
breathing in new faces,
new thoughts
but same,
good old
tickling dreams.




And I haven't felt this in a long time. Not knowing what it will bring, where I will stand or how uncomfortable it could get. Not knowing tomorrow but being certain it will be fine. Fine is better than extreme happiness and the opposite of that. It's good. It's stable. It's full of everything around it.
Haven't felt this alive... in a long time.
Seriously.
Ridiculous.


Friday, July 28, 2017

Kissing at 1:27pm

The sun kissed my eyes,
I'm not tired anymore.
And kissed my legs
so I could go as far as I desire
and my shoulders
so the weight got lighter.
Kissed my lips
and mouth
and ears
to reclaim my peace.

Päike suudles mu silmi,

ma ei ole enam väsinud.
Ja suudles mu jalgu,
et saaksin minna nii kaugele kui soovin
ja mu õlgu,
et raskused läheksid kergemaks.
Suudles huuli
ja suud
ja kõrvu,
et taastada mu rahu.






Thursday, July 20, 2017

Kissing coffee

My mouth is full of laughters and the taste of kissing icy cold coffee. 

I guess I can still see the sunsets and not be afraid of rising. I can still effortlessly move on and not be scared of forgetting the lessons. I might still fear of wasting my life but now at least I will do something to remember it. I can still have my love and life and soul... but still want to grow apart from my bad parts. I still wish to be caught, even if I'm pretending to run away. I can still be who I was, it just depends if I want it, what part of it, how much of it. I can still sometimes feel uncomfortable, uncertain and yet, still feel I will be someone's best thing. I guess I can still stand up, even when I thought I couldn't. 
I guess I can still blossom and not be afraid of losing love. 


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

127 Substitutes.

After that I understood
why people fill their lungs
with smoke.
Why they can't sleep
and fill their life
with half empty coffee cups.
Substitute.


Pärast seda ma mõistsin,
miks inimesed täidavad
oma kopse suitsuga.
Miks nad ei saa magada
ning miks täidavad nad oma elu
pool-tühjade kohvi topsidega.
Aseaine.



Thursday, July 6, 2017

1:27pm is fresh in here



1:27pm in here
is never-ending inhales
of fresh self,
fresh peonies,
fresh thoughts...
or at least old thoughts
with fresh conclusions.
1:27pm in here
is hoping
that the grass is dry,
hoping that tomorrow
I'll be home
and hope.
Just hope.



1:27 tähendab siin
igavesi värske õhu
sissehingeid,
väskeid pojenge,
värskeid mõtteid...
või vähemalt
vanu mõtteid
uute järjeldustega.
1:27 tähendab siin
lootust,
et muru on saanud kuivaks,
lootust, et homme
olen ma kodus
ja lootust.
Lihtsalt lootust.



Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Clair de Lune somewhere around 1:27


Midnight sirens
are the most
fragile sounds.
They come in the room
and make you forget
everything
you've learned,
you know
and you love.


Hilisöised sireenid
on kõige
murduvamad helid.
Nad tulevad tuppa
ja panevad sind unustama
kõike,
mida sa õppisid,
mida sa tead
ja mida armastad.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

She blossoms

She was everything I ever wanted. But I pushed her away by not believing she's here, by not believing she exists. Yet she does and she's here and she has been waiting so long for me to simply greet her and let her in.
Nourishing my wishes for the big ending dried up her skin, mind and feet. She begun to lose her words, lose her feet and lose her grace. I asked her what's wrong but never listened. She started losing it all even though she had it all. I guess she still has it, she's just too weak to take it all in. To realise where she is, who she is, what she has and what could she do.
Whatever she touches blossoms.
Hopefully it still does.



How do you say "sorry" to yourself?

Monday, July 3, 2017

You at 1:27am

You will never die.
I wrote about you.


At 1:27am with the stillness of the sea.
At 1:27pm next to a stranger in the lunch room.
Inside the number 127 locker.
On top of 127 ferns.
Wrote 127 times.
In 127 ways.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Water my eyes


Water my eyes with joy and sunsets, hold my palms for whatever comes next. We only break when we take a sudden stop now, but if we go fast, we'll make it to the end somehow. The wind is my language and I don't know how to speak, what to say and what words to seek. The moon wanted to kiss my ears so I would learn how to listen what's inside, the sun stroke my skin so I would understand I can't - no more - hide.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Healing at 1:27

If I can't
write anymore
does this mean
I'm healing?


Kui ma ei suuda
rohkem kirjutada,
kas see tähendab,
et paranen?



Wednesday, June 14, 2017

"Not realising"

I've mastered the art of "not realising".
And then understood
I've been in the 
wrong art department. 

Guess it's time
to switch schools
for life. 




Sunday, May 21, 2017

1:27 for you... yes, you

Please finally learn... that
someone, somewhere,
right now,
is trying to manifest you.
Don't forget that. Never forget that.


Palun lõpuks õpi, et
keegi, kuskil,
just praegu,
loodab sind leida.
Ära unusta seda. Mitte kunagi.



Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Truth at 1:27

Maybe the world
screams us the truth
but we are too
stubborn
to listen.

Võib-olla maailm
karjub meile tõde,
aga me oleme liiga
jonnakad,
et kuulata.



Wednesday, May 10, 2017

1:27 home in Budapest

I guess now I know
what it takes
to make myself
a home. 
Over there,
in here, 
in someone,
in me. 
It is a wonderful
wonderful place...
but tell me why I'm only home when I'm alone? 

Ma arvan, et nüüd
ma tean
kuidas teha
endale kodu.
Kusagil seal,
siin samas,
kellegi sees,
iseendas.
See on imeline
imeline koht...
aga ütle mulle, miks ma olen ainult üksi kodus? 


Saturday, April 22, 2017

1:27am before flying away

I have no idea
why I came
when every time
something hits me
I want to run.
I have no idea
why am I going
when every time
I leave
I miss everything
I had.

Mul ei ole aimugi
miks ma tulin,
kui iga tagasilöögi
korral
ma tahan joosta.
Mul ei ole aimugi
miks ma lähen,
kui igal korral
lahkudes
ma igatsen kõike,
mille jätsin.



Give me a good reason why I should ever make a change... 

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

After 1:27pm

What comes after
is “after”
we talked about
in the beginning.
Yet when the
“after” arrives,
we have already
been talking about
new
“after”.
Are we ever there?

Mis tuleb pärast
on “pärastine”,
millest me rääkisime
kõige alguses.
Ometi kui
“pärastine” jõuab,
me juba alustasime
rääkimist
uuest “pärastisest”.
Kas me oleme kunagi
üldse kohal? 





After 1:27pm sounds

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Stubborn

I've fallen in love with a stubborn heart. It planted it's seeds in the most fertile time and choose to rise even when it was too dark to see the path. It reminded me of what I am worth and reminded all the things I had forgotten. There are so many oceans I haven't swam naked in, so many spices I haven't tasted, so many stunning moments I haven't lived through. It's stubbornness said "no" when I wanted to bring myself down and screamed "yes" when I was learning to accept myself. Courage was injected in me by the most sincere laughter and the most sincere hands.
The stubborn heart wanted it. Wanted it all. And was always ready to live. It was me, who wasn't.



Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Sa oled ka juhus


Kuidas juhust austada, mitte juhuse teadmatusse uppuda?
Võta juhus õue jalutama. Lase tal hingata ning ise astuda. Erguta teda märkama, puudutama, uudistama. Toida teda regulaatselt nii, millist arengut sa sellelt juhuselt ootad. Lase juhusel tunda nagu ta oli oodatud juba aastaid, isegi kui ta oli täielik juhus. Paita juhust, lase tal valida, oota teda kannatlikult lahkudes tagasi. Osta talle lemmiklilli või vii ta oma lemmikpaika, saa teada, mis on tema lemmikud. Näita juhusele, et tema peopesa on tema peopesas - ta ei pea otsima - ja kui ta lubab, siis hoia kinni ta teise käe peopesast. Ümbritse teda iluga kuid õpeta teda ise seda nägema. Juhus võib tulla ja minna, tulla ja igaveseks minna... kuid juhus võib ka jääda. Tee juhusele valmis pehme ase, et ta saaks puhata ning loo talle kodu. Ära valmistu tema minekuks vaid alati valmistu tema jäämiseks. Mõnikord juhus vaid külastab ning mõnikord juhus tuleb, et jääda. Ära ehmu. Juhus on endas kindel ning loodab, et ka sina näed seda. Hoia juhust kui ta on haige, hoia kui väriseb rõõmust, hoia kui on õhtu ja anna märku, et hoiad teda ka hommikul.
Võta juhus õue jalutama, sest kohe on kevad käes.
Sa oled ka juhus.



Thursday, March 23, 2017

Growing seed

We sat on my bed. Two days in a row. Three people in a row.
They looked at me like I was magic. And I looked at them because they are my magic.


She said I need to be here a bit more. Told me there's light I haven't seen and new spring I haven't yet adored. People who will make me laugh and people who will mean so much I need to make them laugh. There are places I don't know I want to go, mornings so beautiful I don't know and nights full of looking out the window. She promised it will be worth a wait, a try, to live, to create. She said pause if you need to learn how to see - pause if you're confused, angry or looking answers in me. You will have victories you can't believe and for your own good - maybe some times you need to leave. She wished the softness in me would start to believe that the demons in me are not my to breed. I listened to her and suddenly understood I need to leave this all behind for good. She told I must have buried myself deep, winter came and I went to sleep. Now it's time to nourish the spring, see where I can grow and what kind of love I can bring. "Please, never go before the life circle needs. You are not gone. You are just a small, growing seed."